“Just run. And keep running, until you can never, ever come back.”
I ran. The wind blew in my ears, the rain stained my cheeks, but still I ran. It was so dark that night. The stars weren't shining, the street lamps weren't turned on. I could only run, and run quickly.
My heart was beating in my chest. Ka-boom, Ka-boom, Ka-boom, reminding me with each step that I had to go faster. Be stronger. Live longer.
Run.
I didn't want to run. I wanted to turn back, to face it. To live with it. I wanted to be stronger. I wanted. . . so many things. But I couldn't have them. I could never have them.
I just had to run.
Go. Go. Go.
Run, flee, be quick.
They couldn't hold me down. They couldn't stop me. Nobody could. Nobody can. I'll run until I'm ready to turn back. I'll run until the strength fills my bones, my muscles. Until they can't defeat me.
Monsters seem to be coming at me from all sides. They face me and grow, pushing in, snarling and trying to catch me unaware. But I can't fight them right now. I can't face them. I'm not strong enough.
Run! Please!
I push my muscles faster, push the legs until they burn. They can't stop me. They can't defeat me. They can't crush me.
Not if I'm running.
And while I run; my muscles build strength. My pumping arms becoming stronger, my legs become faster and harder. As I run, I begin to grow.
My running sparks growth. My growth sparks strength. And my strength sparks courage.
So, yes. You think you have me defeated. You think you have me scared and fleeing. You think that I'm finished.
But I'm not.
I never will be.
But until I'm ready, I'll continue to run.
I really like it. It's very true, and very much what I see in you when you run. Lots of love, dearie.
ReplyDeleteYOU COMMENTED!!! Thank you friend :D
ReplyDeleteAny suggestions on making it better? Anyway of making the message clearer? I want any criticism besides Grammar at this point. Grammar will come when everything else is perfect.
You wrote: "The starts weren't shinning, the street lamps weren't turned on."
ReplyDeleteI believe you meant "The STARS weren't SHINING, the street lamps weren't turned on."
Also, it would sound a lot better as "Monsters seem to BE COMING at me from all sides."
This is because you are speaking in the present tense, then switch to the past/present/future. It throws the reader off a bit.
Where you write "push the legs until they burn"
It would be better to say "push MY legs until they burn"
Where you write, "And while I run; my muscles..," and where you write, "And my strength sparks..," It would sound a lot better without those "AND"'s
And
"So yes, you think you have me defeated," Should be "So, yes. You think you have me defeated."
That is all. Love you!! :D
.. And yeas, I know those are mostly grammatical things, but that's what I'm best at. I give you the best knowledge I have. You are a beautiful writer, so I can't give you much criticism there. It's amazing writing. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteSee you Wednesday ;)
Yay! More commenting! And thank you for the grammar check, I will fix those.
ReplyDeleteVictoria! That's a great little blurb! It's so vague and intriguing and mysterious! Who's running? What are the running from? What is their goal? etc. I loved it!
ReplyDeleteAt the climax of the story, when the main character is about to be overtaken but finds an inner strength to keep going you might want to make it sound a little more gradual or more sudden. One of the two. Right now you leave it to the reader to imagine if the building of strength was slow or all of a sudden, and though that may have been what you were going for, I'm sure you have your own opinion of how it went down. just a suggestion. Keep writing!
PS: Since I commented on your blog, could you look at mine? Maybe? Please? http://observationsofben.blogspot.com/
Sure! And thanks for commenting Ben! You rock!
ReplyDelete