Room

I was in a large, bright room. The walls were white, the floor lightly tiled in a speckled pattern around my feet. And it was filled with people. People I knew, people I loved, people who meant more to me then anything.

They clustered around me, smiling, showing their hands. I smiled back, taking them, pulling myself toward them. They held me, and I held them, happy with their presence, with what they represented, with where I was. I was comfortable. Surely nothing could be more perfect then this, in a bright room, with people all around. Surely nothing was safer, surely nothing was better.

One of them turned away for a moment, squinting across the room. I cocked my head to the side, watching as she turned her back to me. Then someone else began to walk away. I grabbed his arm, but he shoved me off, still moving. Another person looked around, beginning to move outward. I tried to hold onto her, but she pushed passed. Soon they were all turning, all moving away. I tried to reach out, to hold them all in, but they wouldn't stop.

Soon I was alone by the wall, the speckled tile beneath my feet. The tile lurched, sending me sprawling. I tried to stand again, but the ground shifted, sending me flat on my back. Nobody seemed to notice as they walked further and further away. I tried to call out, but nobody seemed to hear.

Tears stung at my eyes, sending little bits of pain through the eyelids. My lips tried to form words, tried to make sound. “Come back,” I tried to whisper, but the ground jolted again, and my words were drowned out as I crashed to the wall.

I curled there, unable to move, seeing only the fuzz through my tears, doing nothing but stare toward the backs of the departing figures. I tried to reach out but my arms wouldn't move. I was alone.

Alone.

I wanted so badly to run after them, to hold them to me, to tell them not to leave. Why were they leaving? Why did they feel the need to go away? I needed them! Why couldn't they see I needed them? My head ducked into my arms, the tears falling freely now.

Something soft stroked the top of my head, lifting it up. A single hand reached toward me, palm up, waiting. I didn't move for a second, staring at the outstretched limb. He leaned down, gripping my wrists firmly, but gently. “Stand up,” he said, pulling me to my feet. I swayed, the ground still feeling like a wave. I looked into his face, feeling slight recognition. He wore robes of white and seemed to emit a soft, muted glow.

I licked my lips and tried once again to speak, but the words wouldn't form in my mind. I wanted to cry, but the presence of him kept me still. “It will be alright,” he promised, helping me take a step. I didn't want to. I was afraid to lift one foot and place it down again without all of my friends around me. I was afraid that the ground would shift and I would fall. I was afraid to do anything. But his hand was firm and strong. His step sure. So I followed.

Slowly, but I followed.

“You've never been alone,” he said, “And you won't ever be alone. But sometimes, when things get rough, you need to learn to stand.” He slowly let go of my hand, making me take a step on my own. I turned toward him in a panic, terrified that he would turn his back. But he didn't. He smiled at me, motioning me forward, “I'll always be close by and if you need me I'll be there.” My next step was firmer. My feet feeling more secure. “But sometimes you won't see me, or you'll forget to look for me.” I shook my head, turning back to him, “I'll never leave you.” I smiled holding out my hands, he took them, pulling me along, but then he let go.

“But by the same token, you must learn to walk on your own.” I closed my eyes, and when I opened them he was gone. Nothing but the retreating backs of those that left me behind. I didn't know for sure if he was gone, but I didn't think so. I looked around searching for a place to go. A door popped out at me, inviting me in. I moved forward each step more confident then the last. I didn't know what was behind that door, but I knew that I needed to find out. And even if nobody came with me, I knew that I had to do it anyway. But someone was coming with me. Someone would always come with me. Because he promised he would be.